complete

After River I knew another little soul would join us. I had a dream I got pregnant when he was nine months old and surprisingly enough I'm pretty sure I did although it ended in a miscarriage. I will never be positive, but I had all my typical early pregnancy symptoms: tender nipples, a terribly achy lower back, and an undeniable, ravishing craving for the taste and smell of jalapenos. When he was 16 months old, John and I started discussing adding baby number two, although we were pretty broke at the time and hardly could afford it, Austen made her way into our lives one month later. A month after that I started puking out my guts every morning, insuring a definite and healthy pregnancy.

The completeness of our family in this chapter of our lives feels so perfect. I've always wanted to write about how adding a second child felt emotionally but I have not gotten around to it. Every stage of the life of my second child I have compared to the stage of my first child. Not critically in the least, but simply out of the amazement that two children, both equal parts me and my husband, can be so entirely different in every beautiful and wonderful way.

River was an unpredictable sleeper who hardly napped, and gave up two naps at the age of four months, and all naps at the age of 18 months. Austen is a wonderful, predictable sleeper who gave up two naps at the age of 10 months, but still takes a long, two-hour nap every afternoon, and wakes up at the same exact time almost every morning. River always seemed older than he was, with his inquisitive face, outgoing personality, and crazy gross motor skills. Austen is more reserved, quite shy, and has always been my "baby" baby. River was easy-going, easily entertained, happy-go-lucky. Austen is stubborn, fixated, easily upset, and has thrown more fits than River has in his entire three years of life. Both babies were mama's babies, but Austen more so than River. River was happy to be cared for by anyone as a baby, but Austen was not happy with anyone but me from the time she was a newborn.

As she approaches her first birthday, I'm reflecting on the past year, having officially, and I suppose, successfully, raised two infants. Each infancy, so sweet in its own way. My goals for the coming years have stayed steady since I dreamed them up when Austen was just a tiny tadpole; that is, to go to school this spring and eventually finish my education, homeschool my sweeties for a time, and then at around 2nd grade for Austen and 3rd grade for River, send the two off to public school and plan on having another child. It seems almost arrogant of me to share where I see myself, since I really have no say in what exactly will happen in life, but that's what I see happening. And I'm very happy with it.

Before Austen I couldn't tell you exactly when I wanted another child. I just knew it would happen. Today, everything feels entirely complete. My little family is complete, for now. I see my girl and I see my boy, and I know I am blessed beyond measure.