the stress of holiday projects with kids

A word on the stress of doing projects with kids during the holidays...

Here is a truth fact: I had planned to have a very intentional Advent with my kids this Christmas season. There were stories, crafts, and projects involved... heck, I was even commissioned to write some of the stories for the Advent Collection from Rooted Childhood and was very excited to share them with my kids! For whatever reason, I kept putting it off and putting it off, until one day it was suddenly December 15th and I realized I should give up hope that we could fit 25 days of advent into the next 9 days until Christmas Eve. Next year, right? :(

I should know that when I enter into something with expectations, it doesn't work out. Call it perfectionism, fear of failure, task paralysis, or what have you... I have learned my personal key to success is letting go of expectations and letting things spring from a place of joy and tenderness.



Yesterday, I let this joy take over and set my kids up with a Christmas movie and the supplies they needed to thread popcorn garland. I set everything up before I told them what they were going to do (I've learned this is another key to my success - often, my children's expectations, impatience, and never-ending questions add more stress to my already overloaded mind, because verbally explaining how things work is not a skill of mine and takes a few spoons).

Then I LET GO.

River sat out -- too big, too cool, I suppose. Chase definitely ate more popcorn than she actually stringed, and I ended up finishing her abandoned garland when she lost interested. Austen persisted and finished a lovely garland, and wasn't even upset when her string got tangled. I didn't have any oranges, so I couldn't dry orange slices, which is my favorite part - I think they are just so lovely.

All this to say... there is a big *letting go* involved in these things. There have to be solutions to problems so Mom doesn't get stressed. There has to be an acceptance that things won't go as planned, that attitudes will be disappointing, that quarrels will happen.

So, to review. My List of Things Required to Do Projects with Children During the Holidays When You Have the Propensity to Be a Grumpy Mom:

• Let it come from a place of joy and pleasure, not "because I have to."
• Grab onto the inspiration when it arises; don't wait for the perfect moment, because the perfect moment doesn't exist.
• Don't tell your kids ahead of time, just set things up and let it be a fun surprise.
• Have a realistic idea of how long will it take, including set up and clean up. Sometimes it will take a bit longer, but sometimes it will take only a few minutes and part of your hesitation to start is unfounded on the anxiety that it has to be this huge thing that will take up the majority of your day. It probably isn't.
• Think of your biggest hangup - is it the fighting over the popcorn bowl? The fear of smudged cranberry juice in your floorboards? Saliva in the icing from licked fingers? (delicious) - and come up with a solution before you even set up.
• Let go of expectations: understand that sometimes there will be messes and bad attitudes, and this doesn't reflect the mom you are, the fun that can still be had, nor does it show that your children will be sociopaths when they are adults. I promise.

There are five days left until Christmas, which means I can spend the next four days reading each of my Advent stories and preparing the manger to receive baby Jesus. No, I didn't start at the beginning of Advent. No, I won't be able to do all the crafts included in the collection. I will never be the perfect Instagram mom and YEAH my giant 10-year-old will probably complain.

But it will set my children's hearts on why we celebrate Christmas and will create good memories, and I don't think twenty years down the road, my kids will look back and say, "why didn't mom have it together enough to start Advent ON the first day of Advent?" Hopefully.

how to organize large family gift giving

Christmas is a pretty big deal around here. Every year, we go to my mom's house where we exchange and open gifts for ten people. With the addition of new family members by process of marriage and/or birth, our Christmases seem to magically expand every few years. Keeping up with what everyone has on their wish list, who has purchased what, trying not to double-gift, what has arrived by mail, is in storage, and has already been wrapped (not to mention which gifts remain unwrapped as per tradition when they are from Santa)... it can get a little confusing! I have come up with a system that helps keep this information overload in one spot, easily accessible, all while maintaining my few remaining brain cells, which is super important since I have to keep three small humans alive and coffee only does so much.

Giftster for Wish Lists
Giftster is an app and desktop website that connects wish lists between family members. People can ask to join your group by searching your name and sending a request.

You can add items manually or by pasting links, and include information such as size, how and where to purchase, and the cost of each. Family members can view your list and reserve items for purchase, or lock them in if they have already purchased them. As long as you are logged into your account, you can't see what gifts on your list have already been purchased. Here's an example of my brother's list from last year.

You can make as many lists as you want - I have one for myself and a joint list for my kids (instead of separate child accounts, since many of the items they want are shared by all three). All you need to sign up is an email; if someone is not apart of your group, they will need an email to reserve or lock in a gift. We have found Giftster particularly helpful for not double-gifting, although you have to make sure to mark the gifts as reserved or purchased immediately.

Google Keep for Everything Else
My favorite app for organizing Christmas gifts has been Google Keep! I use Keep for so many things, from grocery lists to morning routines, and gift-giving is just another way it has made my life simpler.

Throughout the year I do two things to keep up with my kids' wishes - if they see something they want while we are shopping, we take photos and attach them to a perpetual "wish list" note on Keep. If they think of something they want at home, I add it to a written list in the same note. When I purchase something, I remove it from the written list, but I keep the photos because they're just so darn cute.

 

Now here's the real magic. The thing that keeps me sane. The method that assures I don't mix up wrapped presents or forget to wrap one entirely and leave it in the attic. Like that one Christmas. There is a whole system here, but stay with me - it works, and it's not as complicated as it seems.

Here's an overview of what this looks like, and I'll explain what everything means.

I do want to note here that I have left the cost of each thing up to make it easy to understand exactly how I make these lists. If this is more than you spend on Christmas, please don't compare or believe that what you are doing is not enough. We've had Christmases where we've spent a bit more, or much, much less. On River's second Christmas, he only received gifts from friends and family, because we could not afford to get him any presents. We were blessed that year by the love of people around us. We all do what we can, and Christmas is not about the amount of money you spend or the number of gifts your children get to open on Christmas morning. 

First on the list is all the joint gifts the kids will receive, then each child's name with their individual gifts listed below. I put the cost of each item to help me stay within the budget. You'll notice each thing has emojis. This is the key to keeping up with everything! My brain responds to visuals and too much text can be overwhelming and paralyzing. The visual key helps me quickly comprehend the information I need.

I put an emoji next to each item to determine its status. I've had issues with not remembering which gifts have been delivered and what is still on its way, or what has been wrapped and what's still in storage. When a gift comes in the mail, I mark it as "in storage," and when I sit down to sort through the gifts and start wrapping, I immediately mark it as "wrapped." One year, a gift I bought for my daughter was either stolen or sent to the wrong house, but I didn't realize until after Christmas. A system like this would have made it easy to determine that a particular gift was never delivered.

One more thing I did this year that I've not done before is to wrap each kids' gift in different wrapping paper. One year, the labels fell off of two similarly shaped boxes, and Austen ended up opening Chase's gift. I'm hoping this year, this simple solution will keep that from happening!

And that's it! I have been doing this for four years, and it takes so much stress out of the holidays! If you have a big family, would a system like this work for you? What would you add to this to make it even more streamline?