screw being a housewife

last week i boiled a chicken for dinner and had about a gallon of beautiful, golden chicken broth left over. oh, i had plans. i could put it in our rice for yummy flavor, i could saute veggies in it, i could make delicious soup. it was the reason i bought a whole chicken in the first place. i carefully poured the broth in a couple of containers, closed the lids, and let the steaming liquid cool before putting in the freezer. then i went to bed. i woke up the next morning and one of my first thoughts was, CRAP. i forgot to put the $&#% broth away! that night as i was pouring out rotten, nasty-smelling chicken broth down the drain (yes, i waited all day), i told my husband, i HATE being a housewife! (not true.) i am a horrible wife and mother! (arguable.) i suck at it! (true.)

i joke around about being messy and unorganized, but it really does bother me. when i make an effort to be organized, i almost always fail. the thing is, i love organization. i will spend hours cleaning out and sorting through stuff in a closet and actually enjoy it. why can't i translate this insanity to other parts of my life?!

a few days ago a friend of mine asked this question on facebook:

SAHM's: Please describe your house to me. Is it clean? A total wreck? Who does the cleaning and when/how?

we are in similar situations, as we both practice a lot of the same parenting philosophies, and she has a two year old and just had a baby. i figured we are probably in the same boat in a lot of ways. i took the plunge and replied with total honesty.

right at this moment? the kitchen counters and dishes are clean because we finally gave in and cleaned them last night. there is still random junk everywhere, though. papers, toys, and whatnot. 

the living room is messy... there's a pee diaper under the coffee table, a few of rivers toys strewn around and some random junk on the floor -- a piece of paper, a sprayer from a spray bottle (?), my shoes, the couch throw pillows, john's socks, river's little suitcase he plays with, a wipe container, some alphabet cards, a couple blankets and pillows from our bed are on the couch, the vacuum cleaner in the corner.

our bedroom? a total mess of clothes, everywhere. clothes that are in giveaway bags, clothes that need to be folded, clothes that need to be washed. our bed is unmade, and the pile of crap on top of the dresser grows every day.

the bathroom needs to be scrubbed. the bathtub in clean but i need to clean the toilet, sink, and mop the floors. there's a pile of clothes in the corner. for the most part, everything is picked up though.

river's room is messy as anything right now. last month it was perfectly clean because he hardly ever plays in there and i had a place for everything. but now, we are still trying to organize all these new diapers and baby clothes we have, and there is just no room. i just finished bagging clothes we are getting rid of and reorganizing the diaper dresser, but there are still diapers and clothes all over his bed that have no home. his toys are all over the place because we had a little friend come over last week and together they dumped out about every toy he owns, and with everything being so unorganized in there as it is, i haven't found the motivation to clean it up.

the second living area/computer/craft area is ridiculous, mostly river's doing. books off the bookshelf, toys and shoes and sippy cups and more toys and mail and piles everywhere and just mess.

piles of laundry in the laundry closet. just finishing a load of diapers now.

all this, plus we have tile all throughout the house and it needs to be swept and mopped desperately. we have a dog who sheds like crazy and a toddler who leaves crumbs everywhere... so you can imagine.

who cleans? me. or, i don't clean, rather. LOL. i finally understand why my mom always got so pissed off when we kids made little messes... because we figured it was no big deal and she knew SHE was the one who would have to clean it up. when i was a teen, my room was almost always picked up. now, i just leave my crap wherever it is, instead of taking the effort to put it back where it goes. if everything else is just left lying around, i get overwhelmed and don't even bother picking up as i go. i know it's part of being a perfectionist. the "if i can't have everything perfect, then it's not even worth trying" mentality. on days when i do try to keep things clean and picked up, i feel like i am working my ass off ALL DAY LONG.

thanks for asking this question, it feels good to honest and blow off steam! the state of my house bothers me everyday and i just lack the motivation to do something about it. these are the resounding thoughts i have: wanting perfection, lacking motivation, and feeling completely overwhelmed. i feel like i just sat through a session with a therapist! bahaha..

i saw a video house tour from young house love a couple weeks ago and in the video she kept apologizing for the mess. i was all, "omg, that's your messy?! that's my CLEAN." so if you read that and thought, "ew." please refrain from telling me. i thought "ew" too. if you read this and thought, there IS someone out there just like me! then i'm happy to have helped you with your confidence level as a housewife. now tell me about your house so i don't feel so bad. we gotta stick together.

changed

i'm not writing about this like i'm the only person this happens to. i'm sure it happens to all moms, which is why moms "lose" themselves (the person the were before they had children, when the only person you have to really answer to is... you). who am i beneath the title "mother"?

i would have never thought to describe my relationship with my baby as this, but i think all mothers become "obsessed" with their children. i don't mean like everything in my world revolves around him, or he is the main joy of my day, or everything i do is based on his part in my life, or he's changed me or made me a different person, or that i find it hard to do things for myself because he comes first, before everything including myself, sometimes including my husband, including god. oh... that's exactly what i mean.





a few weeks ago at a visit with my dear midwife, she asked, "how are you? not whitney the mother, or whitney the wife, but how is whitney the woman?" and being the complete emotional wreck that i have been during this entire pregnancy, i almost wanted to cry. i don't know why i wanted to cry. it wasn't like i was mourning, or sad at all. i guess it was... overwhelmed. almost like, there's whitney the woman? i am someone outside of a mother and wife? i'm sure you can relate.

how can a mother find herself again when she is faced with such passion? how can her life ever mean anything else when her child becomes her very world? what i mean is, practically every decision i make is weighed first on how it will affect my child. most of the time it's really not a big deal. i love everything about being a mother and making a few sacrifices doesn't mean much to me. but then i don't think about how it has affected me. in small ways that i have to really think about to discover. like... i don't wear a million bracelets anymore because it's kind of inconvenient when you're trying to deal with a kid. and before i weaned river, i hadn't worn a dress in over a year because i couldn't breastfeed in one -- and i love dresses. and i don't draw anymore, because i'm afraid my toddler will grab my paper, and it's hard to keep an eye on him when i'm concentrating on a drawing. and i'm not going back to school yet because i'm pregnant and i have a hard time pumping milk and therefore can't store milk for a baby to drink while i'm at a class. maybe that sounds really selfish, but it's something you don't realize is even happening. at least i didn't. they change your life in a sneaky, unnoticeable way.

i'm not complaining. just observing. i love, love, love being a mommy. it's the one thing i've always known i wanted to be. i wouldn't trade it for anything. who knew a small person could have such an enormous impact on your complete being? it's the most beautiful thing in the world, and i'm honored that god trusts me with these little souls.