one of those days

oh, lordy. we're pulling ourselves out of the deep, dark, snotty hole of "we feel like crap" and getting over a mild bug (and austen's first illness). finally around 3:30 yesterday afternoon i decided i should try to clean the house after letting it go to sh!t for about a week. today the back bedrooms still hold evidence of the week behind us. dirty diapers piled on the back of the toilet. toys in every corner. blankets strewn about. laundry that is multiplying at an alarming rate; i am trying to find a way to approach this issue that does not involve folding & putting away, obviously. and then, this morning, the day started off in the worst possible way: a tiff with my husband. why is it that i care so much about what this one person thinks? i can forgive myself for things, i can get over arguments with family members, and i can take a deep breath after yelling at my kid and chill out, but when my husband and i aren't in communion, nothing else matters until that is fixed. i love him. i need things to be right with him before i feel remotely functional.

some days, it's not that a bunch of horrible things happen that turn the day sour. most of the time, it's little things sprinkled in here and there, and the frustration just builds. today was one of those days. so, fast forward a few hours later. i was moping around and making lunch for river and myself, when austen started screaming (she gets worked up really quickly) and wanted to nurse RIGHT NOW. i put my meal aside and set river in his high chair to eat, and tried to nurse austen. she's always had some latch issues, and when she's already hungry and mad, it just makes things worse. while she was trying to get in a comfortable position and gulp in between sobs the breastmilk that was letting down just too fast, river decided to stand up in his high chair to reach over and grab an open can of green beans that i sat down on the counter a bit too close to him, and got his fingers stuck in between the sharp top and the open mouth of the can. now, imagine me running over, trying to hold a screaming infant with my boob hanging out, yelling at river to STOP PULLING! LET GO, LET GO! MOMMY WILL HELP YOU! RIVER, STOP PULLING!

oh let me tell you, there's nothing like some baby screaming during a blood-pressure raising situation like such to make you loose your appetite. at that moment i decided that for the sake of my sanity and the well-being of my children, i needed to brew a pot of coffee. i still have not eaten my lunch, but frankly, i am still recovering and tuna tacos just doesn't sound that great right now. (blech, when does tuna ever sound good?) austen is now down for her long afternoon nap and river is reading books for rest time, and not to worry, i have coffee in hand.