instrusive thoughts

Feels white-hot
struck by lightning
slips from my ears to the back of my neck to
the tips of my fingers to
the soles of my feet
making them
itchy and restless

Like: being dipped in an arctic pool
then yanked out again -
in an instant, the ice-cold is gone
and what's left is
gaping gasping heaving emptiness

My temples feel cold
and my head, strangely weightless
In my pounding chest, heaviness, and:
Fear Fear Fear Fear
loss of control
falling into nothingness
clawing at the air

I will every muscle to do something about it
control that which brings the fear
My mind is the tool, searching for ways,
for answers, anything to bury the risk

But there's only so much I can do
and I hold with shaking fingers
every possibility
every prevention and promise
offering them up,
Is this enough? Will this be enough?
If I imagine it
then maybe it won't happen

I do the best I can
but some people's best
wasn't good enough
Fear singes those edges, also

I want to revolt, strike, to run, hide
pummel with fists the rudeness
of an over-active amygdala 
but there is nothing there,
nothing threatening me
only my own mind
and its confusion about make-believe and reality