dim february

February was a low month for me - physically, emotionally. I know what deep, enveloping depression feels like, and this wasn't that; it was lackluster, apathetic, just... dim. Sometimes I would just it in a chair and stare, not sure what to do with myself, lacking the energy to do the things I knew needed doing. I felt sad sometimes, and discontent and bored a lot of the time. I hadn't felt a lingering depression in years, but still, I knew it was temporary. Stirred by the weather: the low-hanging, flat clouds; the cold, damp air; the absence of sunshine. I should have been more consistent in taking my vitamins! I know how it affects me. 

 

What saved me, as winter came to an end and spring teased us again and again with little glimpses of what she had in store for us, were nature walks. Walking in late winter is underrated; yes, it's cold, but not the numbing, prickly cold of mid-Winter. When you pump your legs to clamor uphill, jump to and fro on fallen logs, and jump over twisted roots, your blood gets pumping and you feel as though it is 20 degrees warmer than it is! So even if your walk begins quite nippy, eventually you will carry with you your very own space heater. Sweet incentive to keep going.

 

Another incentive for me are these landscapes. Hills! Beautiful hills. These scraggly branches and muted colors have their own place in this world of beauty. I love a winter palette. Dusty gray canvas, hazy blue where the light spills, wine shadows along the hillsides. And the textures: feathery dried flowers and fluff-topped grasses and curling bark.

With the sunshine will come new breath and life and purpose.
Until then, I'm holding onto the promise that everything is a season.