first impressions

On the 31st, 2020 went out the way it should have according to the rest of the year: foiled plans, latch issues and a crying, uncomfortable baby, going to sleep early, awakened by midnight fireworks right across the street (after finally getting the baby to sleep!) that lasted for almost 30 minutes. I've never wanted to Karen someone's ass as much as I do right now was my gracious thought as I held a hand over Wilder's ear, praying he wouldn't wake up.

But yesterday. Yesterday was lovely, a promising start to 2021. The kids and I got the whole house clean and tidy (or rather, the downstairs areas... let's just be real, upstairs is never tidy). Wilder was in a contented mood all day and didn't require constant holding as he has for the last few days. (Not that I truly mind - he is growing so fast, my heart can hardly stand it.) John got off early - hooray! (The best part of my week, when my favorite person surprises us and gets home early.) He arrived with a box of strawberry cake mix and called Chasey in to help him make it - just because!

Then Sky, Emma, Anna, and Patrick all came over to watch Soul and eat snacky snacks. Afterward, Wilder was restless and uncomfortable as he normally is in the evenings, and after an hour of trying he was finally able to fall asleep, and then slept soundly the rest of the night (which included his like-clockwork 2am and 4am wakings to nurse).

Like every year, I have chosen a word of the year and made myself a few little resolutions, quite loosely, as well as reading goals for the coming year. 

I resolve to take more pictures. Write and update my blog more. Buy less books, again. (But not zero books. Just less books.) Organize my attic. Declutter and minimize my entire house. And make more things with my hands with the intention of opening up an Etsy shop in the fall. You know, little things.

My reading goal for this year is 50 books, same as last year - but this year I won't be pregnant and terribly sick, so I am hoping I will actually reach my goal this time. 

And my word of the year is gentleness - mainly toward my children, as I really struggle with this. I react rashly, with anger a lot of the time, and my kids don't deserve that. So this year I will focus on being vulnerable with my emotions and remaining gentle (toward myself and my kids), instead of cloaking my pain with anger (when most anger stems from fear, pain, or sadness). Vulnerability goes a long way. Maybe my word should be vulnerability, instead? Hmm, I'll have to think on it...