perfectly ready

Every day, I feel the date get closer and closer. There is so much going on in my mind, this list of things that needs to get done, yet I remind myself that there is no such thing as the "perfect" time for a baby to arrive, and as much preparation as one does, there will always be something else that needs to be done. My life cannot be put on hold or cleaned off and polished like a chalk board and kept perfect until this little one's arrival. She will be entering our lives as they are -- imperfect, busy, messy. But that's life, and we will manage.

We will once again find our new normal, just as we did when we went from one child to two, and no matter how prepared we think we are, there will still be moments of stress and chaos. I think I will be able to experience more moments of peace and beauty and awe over this baby if I allow myself to embrace what is very real about life instead of having unrealistic expectations. When this baby arrives, there will be dishes in the sink. Probably wet clothes, forgotten an soured in the washer. The Tinker Toys will be mixed with the Duplos will be mixed with the Lincoln Logs. The carpet will probably have to be vacuumed and the sheets will need to be changed. Those are my expectations.

And so, with those expectations in mind, I am ready. I am so ready to hold this tiny body against my heart, kiss each tiny feature on her face, feel each little toe between my fingers, smell that sweet, milky scent. I'm ready for that first, sleepless night where all we do is nurse and I won't hardly be able to close my eyes because I will just want to stare at the beautiful thing before me, at this tiny person that has been miraculously developing inside me for nine months.

Welcome to our family, Baby! This is our beautiful, messy life together, and we love it. It's not perfect, but we've been waiting for you, and you make us feel so complete. We want you and we need you to fill this piece in our puzzle. It's our life, and now it's your life, and more than clean dishes and made beds, I want you to remember the love. Experience God. Feel warmth and joy and humor and security. You are the reason why dirty dishes and laundry and messy rooms are okay -- you, and River, and Austen. Because without you three beautiful souls, my home might be spotless and my to-do list might be crossed out, but my heart would feel empty. So welcome to this beautiful evidence of five hearts full of love and life. We love you Baby, and we are perfectly ready to meet you.

Love, Mama.