with my hands

there was a totally cool, calm, emotional and peaceful vibe to my day - all day. a very spiritual thing, and i can't really explain it. in many moments, i found myself closing my eyes and getting lost in the simplest songs i'd heard one hundred times, and i felt all this creativity just dancing around inside me, but i failed to find an outlet for it.

sometimes, i'd hold river, and he'd be so still and just wrap his little arms around me, and i wish i could say something, anything to express my love for him that he would understand, but i couldn't, so i'd just close my eyes and kiss the top of his sweet-smelling head and overflow with love, almost imagining it physically rushing over him, and together we were love jars.


i have felt so inspired lately [not inspired enough to clean my kitchen, however]. sometimes i want to paint, even though i'm not a painter. sometimes i want to dance, and so i dance, though i'm not a dancer, and i'm glad river is my audience, because i know that the only thing going for me is that i have rhythm - but that's about it. the closest i've come to having a satisfactory outlet for this creative desire is through photography, but i want to do something with my hands.

i love this picture. this was just the paper i used to mix color, 

but it was more beautiful than the actual painting. 

[which, i assure you, wasn't beautiful.]