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2.25.2019

saying yes



I admit, when Julie Bogart says to let the kids go outside with a few boards and some nails to make their own treehouse, I cringe a little. But I'm learning a lot about trust and saying yes. The number one thing that I hate about saying yes? The freaking mess! I am my mother's daughter after all. But also (and I fully admit this because I'm learning to get over myself) I am a recovering perfectionist and can be kind of controlling. Which means when I see my kids doing something "wrong" I just want to jump in and fix it.

Don't cut the paper like that.
No, tie it this way.
You're using too much glue.
If you color like this it'll be easier.

Oh my gosh, just shut up already!

Growing up, I received crystal growing kits, sea monkeys, perler beads, a microscope, and the like, and they sat in my closet for years. I dreamt of making my own kite, taking apart a radio and putting it back together, and experimenting in the kitchen with every baking ingredient at my disposal, but I never asked. Why? Because my mom hates a mess and is also a perfectionist. Bless it. We can only do our best and I don't blame her!

When my firstborn was a baby, I thought I was going to be completely different. As it turns out, I am a lot more like my mom than I thought! It is hard for me to let go. But I want my kids to ask questions and seek the answers. I want them to learn to mess up and keep going. I want them to experiment and get things wrong and try again. And again and again. I want them to see their mistakes not as failures, but as successful experiments that brought them one step closer to their goals. I don't want them to be apprehensive or say no because they are afraid something won't work.

Last night, my kids asked to make a kite with a piece of fabric, rubber bands, yarn, and some dried out giant sunflower stems. Every bone in my body wanted to say, "No, that's not going to work. It won't fly. And you'll make a huge mess." But I didn't! I said okay. Probably with a funny look on my face. (Not quite a resounding, enthusiastic yes, but I'm getting there).




Of course the makeshift kite did not fly, and of course they made an impressive mess that was still there when I got up this morning and of course I kinda yelled about it. Oops. But they had so much fun. And guess what... there's actually so much less stress during the process when you don't interfere. If you just resolve to let the kids create their own mess, make their own mistakes, and fix their own problems, the responsibility isn't on your shoulders to make sure every project works out, because it's okay if it doesn't. Who would have thought?

This morning, they asked to watch a video on making kites. I was going to suggest it last night, but decided to wait until they came up with the idea on their own. We loosely followed a tutorial on YouTube. They had to adapt a little as we didn't have all the supplies: skewers instead of thin, bendy sticks, and tape when the glue didn't try fast enough. They each decorated their kites with bits of construction paper, the only rule being they had to clean up entirely on their own and couldn't get glue on the floor. It is super windy today, and the kites actually flew for a few seconds, surprisingly! And then promptly ripped. I kept my judgments out of it, and was surprised that none of the kids were upset or discouraged at all. When my perfectionist little 7-year-old brought her ruined kite inside, disappointment furrowing her brow, I said, "Oh well! Paper rips easily, so that's expected. That was fun though, wasn't it? Maybe we can try a different way next time." A big smile filled her face and she agreed.



How many learning experiences have my kids been exposed to through this fun experiment? Physics, math, weather? Persistence, creativity, dealing with disappointment?

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all unicorn farts and sunshine; there was a definitely a wee tiff when it was time to clean up. I threatened not to feed them lunch until it was entirely clean. In fact, I've closed myself off in the office, currently trying ignoring the mess and also not micromanage their clean up strategies. Not being controlling is exhausting, y'all!

It will get easier -- it already has! It's as much of a learning process for me as for them.




Check out this incredible video by Neil deGrasse Tyson with very dramatic music to make you feel feels and inspire you to say yes!

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